Sunday, August 15, 2004
A Response to A Day in the Life of Joe Middle Class Republican.
You've seen the Joe Middle Class Republican post here...
Larry the liberal gets up at 12:00 noon to prepare his morning coffee. It’s Friday and he’s decided to take another sick day from his union teaching job. Life’s tough and Larry needs a break now and then, plus Larry’s tenured. Larry puts his hair in a pony tail and fills his coffee pot full of good, clean, and safe Dasani bottled water. Larry buys Dasani because it tastes better and is safer than the unreliable tap water in his community. He takes his daily medication for his “stress relief” with his first swallow of coffee. Since Larry’s medical costs are subsidized he’s immune to the costs of his frequent visits to the doctor and drug prescriptions. While Larry feels that everyone should have the same free medical care he does, Larry is blind to the needless costs his abuse of the system adds to others’ medical care—pricing some out of the market. Regardless, Larry is lucky other workers haven’t taken so many sick days and have worked hard to ensure that his medications are safe and top of the line. Luckily, publicly owned medical and drug companies have shareholders that demand high standards.
Larry’s happy because all but $10.00 of his medications are paid for by his employer’s medical plan because some liberal union workers fought their employers for paid medical insurance, now Larry gets it too. Larry is unaware that those same unions are no longer in existence. These unions forced companies to raise their prices without improving the quality of their products resulting in less product sold. Thinking the gravy train would last forever, unions continued to ask for more, while countries like Japan were able to produce higher quality products at cheaper prices. Unfortunately, the unions were unable to deliver higher quality workers along with their higher compensation demands. Ultimately, they priced their union members out of the market and made too many unreasonable demands. Their unreasonableness ultimately forced companies to go bankrupt or look elsewhere for cheaper labor. As a result, many Americans were out of jobs.
Since Larry doesn’t have to pay for his health care or insurance premium, he has no reason to alter his diet to lose weight and lower his insurance premium or lower his cholesterol and lower his medical bill. Instead, Larry relies on his subsidized medications to keep his cholesterol down. With his cholesterol in “check”, Larry prepares his morning breakfast, bacon and eggs. A proud liberal, Larry thinks his food is safe because of liberals like him. But because of competition in the food industry, which ensures that reputable companies keep their food safe, his bacon tastes good and is fresh. Before relying on competition to keep food safe, Larry is unaware it was Republicans like President Teddy Roosevelt who was responsible for the Pure Foods and Drugs Act and the Meat Inspection Act, which prevented the manufacture of harmful foods and requiring inspection of meat facilities.
Larry takes his morning shower reaching for his shampoo. Unfortunately, Larry has paid a bit more for his shampoo because companies must properly label every ingredient and the amount of its contents because some power hungry liberal fought for his right to know what he was putting on his body and how much it contained. Even though Larry and most other people have no need for this information, Larry and others still must pay for the increase in regulations and this liberal “victory.” The liberal legislator argued that the greedy shampoo companies could afford the costs, unaware that this cost would be passed on to consumers. So eager to put it to the greedy companies who failed to support his political campaign the legislator failed to understand that rather than increasing the price for all shampoo he could have lessened the costs by requiring companies to provide this information to consumers upon request.
Larry dresses, walks outside and takes a deep breath. Larry coughs, a result of his chronic marijuana use he picked up in college. Larry was part of the legalize marijuana and drugs movements. He didn’t understand why people were so concerned with “victimless” crimes. While in college, Larry realized that smoking pot, drinking, and doing drugs was more fun than hard work. A smart and talented guy in high school and college who won many prestigious engineering awards, Larry felt putting in the extra work to become an engineer wasn’t worth his time or effort. The costs and burdens didn’t match the benefits he could receive as a schoolteacher. Larry realized a good union teaching job with good pay, great benefits, and tenure was the thing for him. Larry felt that he could continue to smoke pot regularly, change to an easier major, graduate, not worry about his grades and then go to a "degree mill" school for his master’s degree. Because it was a union job where everyone’s degree is equal, Larry realized he would get paid the same as a teacher who went to a more prestigious graduate school for their master’s. Despite Larry’s cough, the air he breathes is clean because people demanded cleaner air. Innovative automobile companies with properly motivated engineers developed new technologies to reduce pollutants in the air.
Larry lives in Los Angeles and has decided to leave his Saturn automobile at home and go to Vegas with his terminally ill girlfriend, Burgundy, for the weekend. Larry is able to afford the airfare because the government deregulated the airlines in the 1970s. Now, Larry can travel safely and cheaply via Southwest Airlines. Larry walks to a subway station for his government-subsidized trip to the airport. Even though it will take more time since local government bureaucracy prevented LA’s mass transit system from establishing a direct rail line to the airport, Larry knows that Southwest has numerous flights to Vegas and he also know that he can call in sick again on Monday if need be. Despite the increase in time, it does save Larry considerable money in parking and transportation fees. You see, some liberal argued that “affordable” public transportation was necessary no matter what the costs to taxpayers.
Larry’s ill girlfriend, Burgundy, despite being unemployed and ill is able to go to Vegas with Larry. You see, Larry’s union job also pays for Burgundy’s medical bills because private businesses in the need to retain and attract top employees gave their "dometic partners" this benefit. Larry’s union used this “me too” argument to get the same benefits for its employees, even though there was no evidence of teachers leaving if they didn’t get this benefit.
Larry and Burgundy have lived together for over 5 years. Larry didn’t feel there was a need to get married. He had grown disenfranchised with the church because it didn’t fit his “lifestyle.” He’s now beginning to pray again for Burgundy’s health. Burgundy has a rare bone disease that requires bone marrow from a identical twin or possibly a sibling. Unfortunately, Burgundy is an only child. Her mother had Burgundy at 35 and did not want the burden of three children and having to go shopping "only at Costco and buying big jars of mayonnaise" so she decided to abort Burgundy’s identical twin and triplet brother —and Burgundy’s chance at a long life. Burgundy’s mom is too old to have any more children and unless there’s a miracle, Burgundy won’t have the same opportunity or “choice” of enjoying life as her mother.
After arriving at the airport Larry is able to get the money he needs from his bank’s ATM at the airport. Due to innovation, Larry is able to save some of the time lost on the trip to the airport by getting money at the airport.
Larry has gambling money because his Fannie Mae underwritten Mortgage and his below market federal student loans. All made possible because some stupid liberal decided that Larry and the government would be better off if he was educated and earned more money over his life-time. You see as a liberal, Larry believes that government is always good at finding ways to make efficient use of people's tax money and resources.
While in Vegas Larry sees his friend Moe. Moe has some extra time and money due to his on the job “accident.” Moe hasn’t worked in over two years and is receiving worker’s compensation for his back pain. Luckily for Moe he was hurt on the job and is able to take advantage of his employer’s negligence of employing Moe. In addition to his injury, Moe’s also dealing with other problems. Moe’s niece was tragically murdered by a two time convicted sex offender. Despite the dedicated work of the prosecution, the sex offender had a wealthy family and a good liberal attorney. Despite evidence showing a lack of remorse, the defendant’s liberal attorney was able to convince the liberal judge to give his client a light sentence because he had a difficult childhood. In appealing Moe’s workers compensation claim his company had video surveillance showing Moe living an active life after his “accident." Despite this evidence, Moe’s liberal attorney was able to appeal to the liberal judge that Moe’s company is greedy and uncompassionate to Moe’s back pain, and loss of his niece. Companies’ threats to move out of state due to high workers compensation costs are nothing but threats to liberals.
A few months later Burgundy tragically dies. Larry blames God for his misfortune and for taking someone so young and beautiful. At the funeral Larry is happy to see his dad who is now retired. His dad lives on Social Security and his union pension from his bankrupted company because some liberal made sure he could take care of himself so Larry wouldn't have to. After his visit with dad he gets back in his car for the ride home. He turns on a radio talk show, the host keeps saying that liberals are bad and conservatives are good. Larry can’t believe it. Republicans and their Christian “God” have taken away the love of his life, voted against everyone from getting medical insurance, and allowed executives of greedy companies like Southwest Airlines, Merck, Pfizer, Coca-Cola, Mandalay Bay, Bank of America, and Chevrolet to get rich while Larry must get extra tutoring jobs during his next summer vacation to pay for Burgundy’s funeral because Republican legislators voted to not allow people like Larry from inheriting Burgundy’s estate because they weren’t married.